England Are Jolly Dee: Neil and Christine Hamilton

Available now to download at www.audioville.co.uk.

Musical Style: Pop with a Rock edge. Heavy on the guitars.

Over The Moon: A couple of months ago if you’d put a bet on as to the least likely England Anthem release, you may have got pretty good odds on Neil and Christine Hamilton; then again maybe not since the publicity-hungry couple have already demonstrated time and time again that they’ll do just about anything to stretch their allotted 15 minutes of fame into an hour. To be fair to them, the Hamiltons are more than prepared to have a laugh at their own expense and this is evident from the lyrics which read like the (Posh) Dummies Guide to Football. Musically England Are Jolly Dee is better then might be expected and even a little catchy in a Eurovision kind of way and is already getting a fair bit of airplay.

Sick As A Parrot: Even with their tongues firmly in their cheeks the Hamiltons still manage to live up to their political past by putting their feet firmly in their mouths; for an example you need look no further than the first verse: "There is a team who we call England, 'Cause they're all from this pleasant land, They all play a game called Football, You have to kick not use your hand, It's watched by people on their tellies, With nylon shirts and big beer bellies." The vocal talents of Neil and Christine are unsurprisingly awful.

Terrace Appeal: 4/10

England, My England: Dead Poets Society

England, My England is released on 5th July by Scott More Records.

Musical Style: Rock / Pop chant with a snippet of "Jerusalem" as the intro and frequent rousing bugles.

Over The Moon: The first thing you’d probably notice about the Dead Poet’s Society is that the bass player is none other than ex Radio 1 DJ Mike Read. The group apparently makes a habit of setting the words of dead poets to music, and that is exactly what they have done with England, My England. The original verse entitled Pro Rege Nostro was written by the 19th century by poet, critic and editor, William Ernest Henley, and became popular during the First World War for inspiring patriotism. This then is precisely the reasoning behind the band releasing the song as an England Anthem.

Sick As A Parrot: This song is getting a fair bit of media attention but it really fails to hit the mark. Vocalist Elliott Frisby has an undoubtedly beautiful voice, but his angelic tones and the formal Victorian lyrics make this sound more like something you’d hear sung by a Christian rock band on Songs of Praise than a football anthem.

Terrace Appeal: 3/10

Dare to Dream: Chant England

Dare To Dream is available now to download from chantengland.com

Musical Style: A bit of everything prog vocals, synth pop, drum & bass.

Over The Moon: Dare To Dream is a very refreshing take on an England Anthem, as Chant England’s influences are spread far and wide, reflecting the diversity of both England players and supporters rather than sticking to the tried and tested formula of the football chant. The track was written by musician & producer Davey Pollitt, who is a member of soul/funk outfit Metis and has worked with Imogen Heap, Sophie Ellis Bextor & Seal. Chant England are no strangers to the England song having released garage/raga anthem "Gonna Be Goals" for Euro 2004.

Sick As A Parrot: As England songs go, this is too laid back and melodic to be the type of song that’ll have the crowds up on their feet and singing in unison. Better suited as incidental music on Match of the Day.

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

Pride Of A Nation: HJ21

Pride Of A Nation is available to download now at www.prideofanation.co.uk. 50p from each download is donated to the Royal Marsden Cancer Campaign.

Musical Style: Anthemic Rock / Power Pop.

Over The Moon: Pride Of A Nation is the brainchild of HJ21’s vocalist and songwriter Matt Fielder who was deeply impressed by the courage of the cancer patients he came into contact with through regular guest appearances on Radio Marsden. Matt wanted to do something positive for the hospital and its patients, and being a keen football fan, decided to record an England song with his band in aid of the Royal Marsden Cancer Campaign. This standard Rock track has competent lyrics that give a firm message of support for England and were inspired by a young patient who reminded Matt what it was like to be a 9 year old dreaming of England glory and the ultimate disappointment realized when the team failed to qualify for the ’74 World Cup. Has been adopted by the England Supporters Club so it's in with a chance of terrace exposure.

Sick As A Parrot: The vocals occasionally get a bit lost in the production.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

Hi Ho Come On England: John Leyton & The Orients

Hi Ho Come On England is available now on Crash Records.

Musical Style: A rewrite of the classic hit Hi Ho Silver Lining with a sing-along Ska chorus.

Over The Moon: There are some very unlikely collaborations amongst this years crop of England Anthems and this one is no exception. Hi Ho Silver Lining, the song originally written by Clauss Ogermann and made famous by Jeff Beck, has been reworked here by TV sports presenter Andy Gilson and Bad Manners saxophonist Chris Kane, and sung by 60s icon John Leyton. However, there does at least seem to be some method in the madness since Bad Manners had already covered the original tune on their 2001 album Ska Party and the chorus works very well with a sunny Ska sax setting the pace. The new lyrics, delivered by actor and singer Leyton, best known for his Number 1 hit "Johnny Remember Me", are reasonably well worked into the tune and take the form of a cheerful call to arms to England fans to "Keep the flag of England flying".

Sick As A Parrot: This one is a bit lack-lustre; John Leyton’s vocals somehow fail to inspire excitement or passion.

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

Hansen’s Eyebrows: The Turnstiles feat. MC Jabber

Hansen’s Eyebrows is currently available for download and helps support the Marina Dalglish Appeal.

Musical Style: A military march / Bavarian-style folk tune backed with a pub crowd, a brass band and a rapper.

Over The Moon: An England Anthem with a difference, since it’s written in tribute to everyone’s favourite dour pundit’s eyebrows. Barrie Barlow (that’s Barriemore Barlow, one time drummer with prog legends Jethro Tull, not Gary, the big lad from Take That), who penned the lyrics explains "I'm a big fan of Alan's and the song is very endearing. I got the idea after watching Match of the Day - I couldn't believe the places his eyebrows go!" The lyrics do raise an effortless smile, particularly the first verse and chorus: "Sir Ramsey was the kid, Sir Bobby nearly did. We've had the Turnip, now we've got the Swede. Well we all got different teams, football hopes and Dreams, But there's one thing we're all agreed....Hansen's eyebrows they go up and down, they go Uuuuup, they go Down....Hansen's eyebrows they go up and down, they go Uuuuup, they go Down Down Down." Barrie’s observations have struck a chord since the song has already been voted best World Cup song and funniest lyrics in a BBC poll. Topped off with a fine rap from from MC Jabber, this is definitely a one of the quirkiest and most original songs to be penned for this year's World Cup, and could go all the way.

Sick As A Parrot: Melody could be a tad stronger; the bass drum is annoyingly repetitive.

Terrace Appeal: 9/10

One Dream: Bez feat. Monica Ward and Domino Bones

Released through Dream On Records and www.moyst.com on 19th June 2006

Musical Style: Jangly guitar Indie anthem.

Over The Moon: Former Happy Monday and Celebrity Big Brother Bez has recorded this uplifting, easy-going England Anthem with backing from his new band Domino Bones, including former members of the Bodines, the Boo Radleys and Black Grape. Despite Bez’s dubious vocal talents and a fairly average production, it’s not a bad little tune. The emphasis here is on producing a positive England Anthem. Reasonable lyrics, Bez’s own unique Mancunian drawl harmonized with great backing vocals from Monica Ward. As Bez himself points out: "It’s good fun and it’s politically correct as well — there’s no mention of the Germans!"

Sick As A Parrot: The line "England’s coming home with Jules Rimet" might rhyme with "victory" but surely even Bez, as a self confessed massive football fan, remembers that the Jules Rimet Trophy went home with Brazil permanently in 1970. Any notion of lyrical rhyme seems to have disappeared towards the end of the track.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

England: British Whale

England is available to buy from 12 July on Atlantic Records.

Musical Style: 70s-style Synth Rock meets traditional football chant.

Over The Moon: Under his solo guise British Whale, Darkness frontman Justin Hawkins’ second release is an England Anthem true to his own unique style. It sounds a bit like what might have resulted if Queen had shared a studio with The Squad back in the 1974. Hawkins wrote the song as an ironic statement of national pride in response to the political correctness that he feels is undermining England’s bid for World Cup glory. So it’s no surprise then that the lyrics make one or two references to the World Wars, for example the verse "Football will be our only weapon, Skill and power will be our only shield, We fought them on the beaches, Now we'll play them on the field, And once again the world will surely yield." Of course, England isn’t the only England Anthem to "mention the war", and anybody who has ever heard the Darkness, like them or loathe them, knows that he’s only having a bit of fun.

Sick As A Parrot: The chorus of England is most likely to cause a bit of a stir. It’s is a little less colourful than the verses having only one lyric, the word "England", repeated a number of times; however keen Grand Prix fans might just recognise the tune behind the lyric since it is the German National Anthem. If you’ve listened to the Darkness, but never "got" or for that matter wanted to "get" the joke, then this one isn’t for you.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

(Is This The Way To) The World Cup: Tony Christie

Released 29th May on Gut Records.

Musical Style: An update of the Easy Listening "classic" (Is This The Way To) Amarillo with a new title and freshly penned lyrics but otherwise untouched.

Over The Moon: After selling albums into the millions in the 70s, Tony Christie’s career hit a bit of a lull, reviving briefly in 1999 due to his vocals on the All Seeing I’s Walk like a Panther, and finally being resurrected by Peter Kay’s comedy series Phoenix Nights. Few could have predicted the success of the re-release of Christie’s classic hit (Is This The Way To) Amarillo last year, in aid of Comic Relief. The single, featuring Peter Kay, stayed at the top of the chart for 7 weeks and Christie became a household name once again. Now the song, originally written by Neil Sedaka and Howard Greenfield, has been given a re-write to become an England Anthem. It might have seemed like a good idea at the time and, in truth, it probably was. The song is almost painfully uplifting and infectious so even if you really want to hate it, it’s difficult to do so, and despite the tenuously adapted lyrics the chorus somehow bewitches you into singing along at the top of your voice. This time around it might not match last year’s marathon chart success, but it’s already being championed by Radio 1’s Chris Moyles, so there’s no getting away from it; you’ll be hearing an awful lot of this version.

Sick As A Parrot: This has to be the cheesiest England Anthem out at the moment. The lyrics are truly dreadful and there’s the nagging feeling that the brains behind this re-write are getting away with murder. If this was the last song you ever wanted to hear again after its almost constant airplay last year, then it might be a good time to book a cruise down the Amazon.

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

Once, Before I Die: Chris Shendo

Chris Shendo’s Once, Before I Die is available now on Rhapsody Island Records.

Musical Style: Acoustic guitar ballad.

Over The Moon: On a positive note all profits raised from the £3 price of Chris Shendo’s Once, Before I Die go to Sports Relief. Behind his comedy name Chris’s identity remains something of a mystery but this is said to be his debut release and his record company Rhapsody Island have apparently been inundated with emails from fans of the song who, like Chris, would love to see England lift the World Cup at least once in their lifetime.

Sick As A Parrot: One glance at the title of this song sets the tone - it’s bleak, downbeat, downright pessimistic and, quite frankly, bloody miserable. As much as it reflects the frustrations of thousands of England fans too young to remember ’66, there is something quite disturbing in the fact that it was written by a 35 year old, and sung like a grumpy old man. The chorus resembles Brian and Michael’s Matchstalk Men and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs. Mind you, that made it to Number 1, so you never know.

Terrace Appeal: 3/10

Stan’s World Cup Song: Stan Boardman

Stan’s World Cup Song is available from 29th May on Harkit Records.

Musical Style: Set to the tune of She’ll be Coming Round the Mountain, with a bit of Rule Britannia and the Dambusters theme, backed with a banjo straight out of Deliverance.

Over The Moon: Stan Boardman is a life-long Liverpool fan, and long before making his name in comedy his ambition was to play for his beloved club, but a short playing career convinced him he wasn’t quite cut out for the professional game. Nowadays it’s easy to forget how often Stan appeared on our screens in the 70s and 80s telling jokes about “the Jerrmans”, so all things considered, it’s only natural for him to throw his hat into the ring with his own World Cup song. Despite the unimaginative title of Stan’s World Cup Song his lyrics are well rhymed right down to the inevitable chorus “Singing aye aye yippy, the Germans bombed our chippy” even though they don’t raise more then the occasional tight-lipped smile.

Sick As A Parrot: This song is more reminiscent of the sort of thing you’d hear sung on a pensioners’ coach trip to Blackpool than an England Anthem. The comedy has as much bite as a toothless chihuahua.

Terrace Appeal: 5/10

Hurry Up England: Jimmy Pursey

Hurry up England is released on 12th June. All funds raised go to the Teenage Cancer Trust.

Musical Style: Pure Punk Rock, true to Hurry up Harry for the most part, updated with new lyrics, more shouting and Graham Coxon’s guitar replacing the original keyboard.

Over The Moon: Following on from the Hurry up England controversy, it has to be said that vocally Jimmy Pursey’s version outstrips the competitors. His voice sound a little age-worn, but it’s still Punk Rock, as is the suitably raw production by Steven Street. Even as a rumour this song was causing ripples of delight amongst Sham 69 fans old and new, and, although it appears to be surprisingly under-marketed, with Pursey’s legendary status and Virgin Radio’s backing it will, rightly or wrongly, most likely eclipse the other two versions.

Sick As A Parrot: The reworked lyrics are probably the only real let down here since players are just given the standard roll-call.

Terrace Appeal: 8/10

Hurry Up England: Motty’s Sheepskin

Motty’s Sheepskin’s version of Hurry up England is out on Cadiz Records. All proceeds go to Cancer Relief.

Musical Style: A stylish, well produced reworking of the punk classic Hurry up Harry. Well-crafted lyrics, growling Pursey-esq vocals and a bar room piano.

Over The Moon: Not only does there seem to be more England Anthems then ever before this time around, there’s even a bit of controversy thrown in for good measure. According to Motty’s Sheepskin’s website, the very strange tale of Hurry up England goes like this: The band from Romford, who reworked the Vapours Turning Japanese for the last World Cup, approached Jimmy Pursey asking his blessing to revamp the legendary Sham 69 tune Hurry up Harry as a charity England Anthem. Jimmy agreed, but only days later Virgin Radio played the single that they are touting as the People’s Anthem; Hurry up England by none other then Jimmy Pursey. Although disheartened, the band decided to put out their version anyway. A statement on the Official Sham 69 site however disputes this, saying that although the band did approach Jimmy about the song they already knew he had this song in the pipeline and had asked permission to revamp it but made no mention of doing the song as a World Cup Anthem. To add to the confusion, another band, Jump in the Woods, have also released a reworked version of the song under the title Come on England. Since Mulder and Scully have gone their separate ways and we may never get to the bottom of this mysterious tale, so we are left to judge the different versions on their own individual merits. The most distinguishing feature of all three is the difference in the lyrics. For me, Motty’s Sheepskin have produced a great version of the song, with strong lyrics and the familiar sounds of the pub mixed in which manages to convey the a real sense that if you’re not at the the game itself then "..it always feels better with an ice cold beer!"

Sick As A Parrot: This one lacks some of the raw edge of the original song and of Jimmy Pursey’s remake.

Terrace Appeal: 8/10

Stand Up 4 England: Koopa

Stand Up 4 England is out on 5th June on Mad Cow Records.

Musical Style: Upbeat, punchy Pop-Punk with the obligatory stupid haircuts. Catchy, patriotic lyrics sung in distinctive Essex tones.

Over The Moon: If Blink 182 came from Essex and wrote an England song, then it might well sound like Stand Up 4 England. Koopa have given the footie anthem the pop-punk treatment but they’ve kept a distinctly English style, and have already gained the support of the Official England Supporters Association. The three boys from Colchester tasted chart success with their first single last November and are looking good for another hit with this energetic, good old-fashioned fun song. The single, which is raising money for Barnados, came about when Koopa’s manager met Paul Baker from the TV programme Fash FC in a North London cafe. The result is a patriotic, optimistic song with a celebrity-studded video that gets in your head and rattles around there until you find yourself singing it in the shower.

Sick As A Parrot: This one may be more for the kids and comes across as a little more manufactured then heartfelt.

Terrace Apeal: 8/10

Bring It Back Home: Toshk

Bring it Back Home is currently available on Toshk’s myspace and will be released by Scufd Music in the near future.

Musical Style: Unashamedly retro early 80s synth pop style with suitably brooding vocals.

Over the moon: This unusual approach for an England World Cup anthem takes a positive stance, sharing the sentiments of many that this could finally be our year (don’t mention the Rooney). You get the sense that Toshk had a lot of fun recording this song, and the result is a rather catchy tune, but not one that says a lot about the 2006 World Cup. Just in case you weren’t already feeling nostalgic enough, the Professionals theme tune is thrown into the mix

Sick as a Parrot: The song wanders a little off course towards the end although more tweaking is on the cards before the final product is released. More likely to fill the dance floor at a 80s disco then raise the voices in the stadiums. The lyric “we can do it, believe it, but just don’t let Gazza sing” is almost as retro as the musical style.

Terrace Appeal: 5/10

That’s England Alright: Joe Fagin

An aptly reworked classic released by 300Million Records on 5th June.

Musical Style: No surprises here - it’s the theme from Auf Wiedersehen, Pet updated lyrically but remaining faithful to the original tune, with Joe Fagin once again providing the wonderful gravelly vocals.

Over the Moon: Remember in 1983 when the Magnificent 7 set off to Germany to seek their fortune? Well, Joe Fagin sang them on their way and himself to number 3 hit single. Now a Magnificent 11 are going to be seeking their fortune in Germany and Joe is there to back them too. Originally penned by David MacKay and Ken Ashby, That’s Living Alright has been suitably updated by uncle and nephew team Jimmy and Martin Lawless and recorded by Madness producer Clive Langer. It remains to be seen whether Joe will be repeating his chart success, but the song is already getting a good amount of publicity and since it is a classic song, from a classic TV series, newly adapted for a classic occasion, it shouldn’t have any problem raising a fair few voices in the crowd.

Sick as a Parrot: The temptation with adapting a familiar song for such an occasion is to shoe-horn new lyrics in until they fit. This one more or less fits like a well worn pair of slippers but there’s just a hint of the occasional blister. Also, if the original had you running for the off switch on the radio, or you’re an Auf Wiedersehen, Pet purist, then you probably should consider popping down your local builder’s yard to obtain some industrial ear protectors for a couple of months.

Terrace Appeal: 8/10

Who Do You Think?: The Svenga Boys

The cleverly named Svenga Boys are “still have nightmares over Rudi Voller's perm”.

Musical Style: In the style of the Dad’s Army theme, but reworked with enough variation to avoid the lawsuits and mixed with the Colonel Bogey March aka Bridge over the River Kwai.

Over The Moon: Another charity anthem for another excellent cause; this time it’s the British Legion who benefit and the Svenga Boys worthy effort is already bringing in the money despite being as melodic as your neighbour’s dog at 3am. Why? Because of classic lines like “Jurgen has only got one Ballack!” It’s ok because according to their blog their mum is German and she says it’s alright, and besides they left out a line about Kuntz and Janker. The boys are still hoping to get the song, which has already earned them 2nd place in a BBC lyrics poll, recorded by one of five celebrity dream-teams. Regardless of their success with that I expect you’ll be hearing more of it. Amusing lyrics and some great nostalgic sound clips.

Sick As A Parrot: Well, there is the fact that it’s pretty awful to listen to.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

Sing It For England: Young Stanley

Young Stanley are five builders from Bromley and their mate Noel on guitar, produced by someone who has worked with Kylie and Will Young. Released 22nd May.

Musical Style: Following in the fine tradition of the no-nonsense, straight-ahead Football Anthem.

Over The Moon: A strong contender for an Unofficial England Anthem which came about following a discussion at work about how the England team need a good song behind them in the style of Three Lions and World in Motion. A good solid song with a great sing-a-long chorus: “Will it be a 442, that brings the trophy home to you, only thing I’ll ever do for sure is Sing it for England. Will it be a 343 that brings the trophy home to me, only thing I’ll ever be for sure is Singing it for England.” It’s a passionate, well produced chant which captures the spirit of hope and anticipation about the World Cup that reduces grown-up England fans to little boys & girls again. Catchy hooks, strong lyrics and chanting chorus.

Sick As A Parrot: Hard to find a downside with this one, unless the thought of a traditional footie anthem is enough to put you off your cornflakes. Pedestrian beat, out-of-the-box drum machine and cheesy synth guitars the only let downs in an otherwise excellent effort.

Terrace Appeal: 9/10

We’re Off To Germany: Paul Moore

Bristol-based comic musician Paul Moore’s Ralph McTell-lite folk ditty.

Musical Style: Upbeat acoustic singer-songwriter with meandering vocals sung in a broad West Country accent.

Over The Moon: When you visit Paul Moore’s website you realise he doesn’t take himself too seriously. His career highlights of last year include supporting the Wurzels at Weymouth Pavilion and this tells you that he has found his niche in comedy folk in the style of Mike Harding, or more recently Bill Bailey. This is amiable little song that has already led HTV West to commission Paul to write another song for their Soccernight programme. Starting a little awkwardly and down tempo, the song quickly gathers pace to become an upbeat tune with predictable rhymes, but it flows along nicely and has an optimistic feel, reminding the listener to focus on England’s recent sporting successes rather then dwell on the disappointments of previous World Cups. Earthy, honest and reasonably catchy, however this is a song that you could imagine Paul busking outside the Commerzbank Arena on a sunny June afternoon rather then being given airtime on Radio One.

Sick As A Parrot: Sounds like he keep his backing singers in a jam jar, only letting them out for the occasional stifled 'Eng-ger-land' Unlike Paul's other songs, the lyrics don't really raise a smile, the comedy element relies more on Paul being good at being bad then having written this as a genuinely funny song.

Terrace Appeal: 5/10

England Are Gonna Do It: The Star Backroom Gang

Football song for the pub, by the pub, out on Blue Shoe records.

Musical Style: UK Indie comedy pop. "Half Man, Half Pissed".

Over The Moon: Some fetching moments as the Star Backroom gang pull all the correct football song shapes and put their heart and soul into it, even risking a brave rap section, about which they are suitably proud. "England's gonna do it for the boys in the bars, they're gonna win it for the women with St George in their hearts.." this neat couplet is the mainstay of a easy mumble-along chorus. They will certainly be the toast of Driffield and who knows, Skipsea.

Sick As A Parrot: Predictable chord progressions and vocals a tad uncertain.

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

Pride Of Our Nation: The Keyz

This is a football song by Banbury, Oxfordshire-based band The Keyz.

Musical Style: 1960s/70s keyboard-led yob psychedelia. Small Faces meet Chas and Dave.

Over The Moon: This well-produced song is an epic tale of hope and joy with a complex literate lyric, beginning "The passion and the will to win.." The semi-comatose chorus sounds like just pissed men in the pub do... men who know they can't actually sing but who are lifting themselves despite moribund drunkeness to heights of chanting.... "score... score... score..." knowing they never will score after all that BEER! In a class of its own for sheer quirky English appeal.

Sick As A Parrot: It's a bit serious and depressing!

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

The Only Team Is England: The England Song

Steven Murray's bracing rock song, out on Recruit Records.

Musical Style: Pop-punk / Powerpop. The Stiffs claim heritage.

Over The Moon: From the corny Carry On pseudonyms WILL WYNNE and VIC TORRY, to the guitar-driven terrace yelling, this song has the fan's authentic ring of enthusiasm. Name-checks players old and new, with some inventive rhymes to shoe-horn them in: "You may have Ronaldhinio, But weve got Rooney you Know ! Cockneys Scousers & Manc lads too, And a Geordie that comes from Liverpool!" Decently catchy melody and doesn't take itself too seriously.

Sick As A Parrot: Tad workmanlike. Production could do with a bit of a LIFT!

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

Unofficial England World Cup 2006 Song: Computertones

This reworking of "Three Lions" (re-released June 5th) is "produced by professional impressionists."

Musical Style: Home recording, pot noodle keyboards, Chad Valley drum machine.

Over The Moon: Billed as the "funniest unofficial" - "All celebrity sound-a-like voices produced by Computertones is unofficial. The content does not carry the approval or endorsement of the personality involved or any broadcasting institution" - the Computertone boys squeeze as many impressions as they possibly can into this smorgasbord of "instantly recognisable" voices from television. Little Britain, Alan Partridge, John Motson, Ricky Gervais are all crammed into this telephone box by the bus shelter.

Sick As A Parrot: A cynical and blatant attempt to cash in on practically everybody in England. Simultaneously appalling, illegal (bet Baddiel and Skinner get nowt from this one!), lame and entirely predictable, it should never have been made and deserves to be sent off.

Terrace Appeal: 4/10

Chant Like An English Fan: The Laddz

A timely update of the old Bangles song.

Musical Style: Rock fuzz guitars, racing beat, male vocal, 80s-style pop-rock.

Over The Moon: This is a great song taken in fine terrace tradition into care of the Laddz, Richard Eyre & Anthony Donnelly, who have recorded a decently well-produced anthem. The "woo-eee-oh" parts are just great for shouting in drunken celebration after the fourth goal goes in. Lyrics are reall good too - lots of work gone into this one - "All the English fans in the stands, They’ve got the vibe, take a bet, We’re English Fans (Oh Whey Oh), We chant it out, smoke a cigarette, Student types with their bongs and pipes, say Ay oh whey oh, whey oh ay oh - Chant like an English Fan". An imaginative steal.

Sick As A Parrot: The tune is pretty damn tricky rhythmically - aside from the "woo-eee-oh" - and only the most confident of terrace chanters will learn it. The speed of the song blurs the words somewhat.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

Englands One: The Greasy Spoons

This marvellously passionate and messy song is sung by Kath and some punky-sounding geezer.

Musical Style: Naive guitars, military snare, kazoo, male / female vocal, badly out of tune authentic terrace vocals.

Over The Moon: With its cheeky lift of Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Mr Hitler (Klinsman)? and more than a few other classic ingredients in a simple mix, its well on the way to becoming the nation's official unofficial favourite. Lots of press and TV: "Our favourite unofficial World Cup song" - Eamonn Holmes, BBC Radio Five Live. "It's a great anthem. Good for them." It certainly takes some balls... - Sheree Murphy - everyone from the Daily Star to the Observer (!). This one could go all the way.

Sick As A Parrot: The melody and atrocious singing aren't exactly enjoyable to listen to... but who cares after the fifth pint?

Terrace Appeal: 9/10