Come On England: The Roars

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Music Style: Various: Indie / Dance / Rock

Over The Moon: The Roars, backed by Eoin Clarke's The Music Community, have produced a half-decent song here, well constructed and professionally produced with a lowest-common-denominator catchy chorus and a very London English-accented vocal. "Now we've got the talents.. and we've got the dream team.. and this time we'll make it all the way-ee-ay-ee-ay" sings either Bob Grant or Jamie Ledwith, we aren't sure which. Neither are we sure whether any of the profits are donated to the Battersea Dogs and Cats Home, although a prominent badge on the site thanks them.. for supplying homeless animals? Hilarious and extremely tacky low-budget video features semi-naked footballer glamour models playing footie in a park and drinking champagne in a jacuzzi with the lead singer.

Sick As A Parrot: The producers don't seem - like Sven - to be able to make their mind up which system they are playing, so there are three quite different mixes available of the same song, which smacks of indecisiveness and a lack of tactical nouse. They may indeed have the talent and the dream team, but - like England - they barely scrape through and will almost certainly be knocked out as soon as they meet serious opposition.

Terrace Appeal: 5/10

Synching for England: Athletico Spray 06

Available to download now.

Music Style: House / Powerpop

Over The Moon: This year's Eurovision hopeful Daz Sampson may not have tried his luck at a World Cup song but that hasn't stopped his long time collaborator John Matthews having a go with his band Spray – renamed Athletico Spray 06 for the occasion. However, this is no straightforward England Anthem, but an ironic send-up of footie anthems illustrated throughout with lyrics such as "The passion and pride you feel supporting the team, Is quite tricky to evoke with such a strict rhyming scheme, So here's an enigmatic gesture hinting "go all the way", With some power chords that they can use on Match Of The Day".

Sick As A Parrot: In the vein of some of the ironic Eurovision entries this year and musically Synching for England wouldn't sound out of place in Eurovision either. It's an interesting idea but tries to be too clever. There are obvious "cash-in" England Anthems that deserve to be sent up, but there are also some damn fine efforts out there which are genuine, heartfelt and really very good. This is not one of them - it is spectacularly awful on all fronts.

Terrace Appeal: 3/10

Lions Roar: Kamikaze Valentines

Available now to download. 20% of all profits go to The Doves House Hospice.

Musical Style: Classic guitar-led indie rock with a retro feel.

Over The Moon: One glance at recently formed Hull band Kamikaze Valentines will tell you that have the look and the haircuts, but more importantly they have the sound too. Lion's Roar is a great little song that gets lodged in your head within a couple of listens, with definite touches of the Kinks and even Primal Scream at their rockiest. This song would probably be chart-fodder in its own right, but the footie theme is kept running by background chants of "England" throughout.

Sick As A Parrot: Lion's Roar rocks out a little too much for the terraces since there's never enough room to air-guitar comfortably in a full capacity crowd. As an England anthem this one is weak lyrically, conveying enthusiasm and pride more then telling the listener anything about England.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

Dribbling All Over The World: The Five Lions

Available online to download.

Musical Style: Rock / Pop.

Over The Moon: A pretty decent cover of Status Quo’s legendary Rock anthem “Rocking All Over The World”, this song is both an England Anthem and a marketing tool for creator Duncan Naylor’s own invention the Dribble Mat – a World Cup-themed toilet mat that no self-respecting footie fan can live without. The song resulted from a bet that, for £500, Duncan could write and record a footie song that would play the opposition off the pitch. On a tight budget pulling a zillion pub favours, Duncan and the rest of the Five Lions belted out cover of the Quo’s classic hit with the lyrics very artfully adapted to fit the occasion. The song has apparently already gained overwhelming responses from Hallam FM. Duncan also picks up points for sending in this hilarious joke:

A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday."

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother." So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?"
"Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to your father." Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday." The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says:
"No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!" About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says; "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes dad I have." "Good son, what is it?" The son replies, "I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you German Bastards!"

Sick As A Parrot: Not at all piss-poor, but the version available online clearly isn’t the finished article, as the song is due to be mastered by the Ministry of Sound. Meanwhile the production on Dribbling All Over The World is the obvious casualty of the shortage of both cash and time, as the muffled result sounds as if it’s being sung and played from under a huge pile of dribble mats.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

It’s Time For England: The JK Krew

It's Time For England is available now on the Dance Asia label with profits raised going to The Muscular Dystrophy Campaign and Unicef.

Musical Style: Pop / Disco - Reworked modern Bollywood hit.

Over The Moon: The JK Krew have added a completely new dimension to the England Anthem by bringing the sound of Bollywood to the terraces. Dance teacher Jay Kumar decided to write his own World Cup song after finding many of the unofficial anthems sent in national radio stations weren't inspiring enough. A family discussion resulted in Jay and DJ/producer Milind Kadam adapting popular song It's the time to Disco from the Bollywood hit film Kal Ho Naa Ho, to create a rich, triumphant and unique sound for an England Anthem. Bursting at the seams with optimism this lively song would be a great soundtrack to a euphoric post-victory party.

Sick As A Parrot: It's Time For England ventures too far into the realms of high-energy pop / disco to really take off as a classic England Anthem. The lyrics suffer from being too generic.

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

Handbags: Angry Kid And The Flaming Choppers

Released on Cargo Records - download online.

Musical Style: Comedy Hip-Hop / Electronica.

Over The Moon: Angry Kid, for anyone who doesn't know, is an animated 12 year old brat with attitude created by Darren Walsh at Aardman Animations and is more risqué then more famous characters such as Wallace and Gromit. The backing track to Handbags is laid back and likable but by far the best thing about the song is the witty and ever so slightly naughty lyrics which are packed with clever parodies of Motty-style commentaries and general footie observations. Not really an England Anthem but it stands out as good sound and a refreshingly original song rather then a re-work or cover version also it’s definitely worth a listen if you fancy a bit of a laugh.

Sick As A Parrot: A novelty song rather then an England Anthem and it doesn't lend itself to singing on the terraces.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

Name On The Cup: The Trophy Boyz

Name On The Cup: The Trophy Boyz

Available to now to download.

Musical Style: Pop / Indie

Over The Moon: Footie anthems are already well-charted territory for the Trophy Boyz, since they've already had a Top 40 hit last year with a single called Du the Dudek inspired by Liverpool's European Cup success. Name on the Cup is a classy feel-good England Anthem, is perfect for building that pre-match excitement in the same way as Three Lions. Any England fan will relate to the tales of England's highs and lows told in the well-crafted lyrics. A high-standard song that has already been chosen by both Mercury FM and Severn Sound as their official World Cup Anthem. On a grander scale this could really be a winner.

Sick As A Parrot: The only thing holding this one back is that the overall sound, production and profile aren't quite on a par with the quality of the song itself.

Terrace Appeal: 9/10

Savva Nuvva [The Lions Roar] : English Pride

Available to buy on Eberwon records or to download online.

Musical Style: Pop-Punk

Over The Moon: The pop-punk style seems to work quite well in World Cup songs, and Savva Nuvva (beer, obviously) begins quite low key but launches into a lively, punchy number that lifts the spirits and creates the sort of winning atmosphere that you'd hope to see in any footie-watching pub. English Pride are four lads who love beer and footie and aim to bring inspiration and comfort to the humble English football supporter, and this is exactly the message in lyrics such as "This time England won't choke, and we won't be the joke, victory's oh so near, England are here, savva nuvva beer" This is a good, well-worked out song that does exactly what it says on the tin.

Sick As A Parrot: The vocal delivery and overall production could both do with a "cookeen" lift.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

It Was Our Idea, Football Was Our Idea: The Pub Landlord

Available now to download.

Musical Style: Comedy chant backed with Bridge Over The River Kwai-style whistling.

Over The Moon: The title says it all; it really doesn't matter how England do in the World Cup because we invented football in the first place. Al Murray's comic alter ego the Pub Landlord is a stereotypical little Englander in the vein of Alf Garnett, and so the main theme of the song is very much in character, albeit surprisingly restrained towards our fellow competitors. As comedy songs go, this one is actually rather good. The lyrics won't have you crying with laughter but they will make you grin at times with a refreshing take on England's 40 year World Cup 'glitch', maintaining that "all this lot have got a shot but I think it's fair to say if we didn’t let them win now and then they wouldn’t want to play." The track is entertainingly easy on the ears and irresistibly sing-a-long, and the best bit of all is that it you can keep singing it regardless of the outcome because
"Who cares about the final score? It was us that thought it up."

Sick As A Parrot: This one might be a bit too sarcastic and pessimistic for some of the England faithful, and it could be argued that it's more opportunistic than anything to do with a true passion for football; but then again Marco Antonio Rodríguez shouldn't be the only comedian in this World Cup.

Terrace Appeal: 8/10

What’s The Bobby Moore?: What’s the Bobby Moore?

What’s The Bobby Moore? is available online.

Musical Style: A guitar-driven cockernee-style pub singalong with de-tuned chorus and handclaps.

Over The Moon: This year there are so many different England Anthems in so many different musical styles that it's almost comforting when a good old traditional footie anthem such as What’s The Bobby Moore? turns up. Bobby Moore, as all students of Cockney Rhyming Slang know, means SCORE. Once again the creator of this song is something of a publicity-shy enigma, but it’s a fair song, and you can picture the England squad of yesteryear on Top of the Pops, waving their England scarves above their heads, going "tra-la-la-la!" like footballers always do.

Sick As A Parrot: The current England team wouldn’t actually be seen dead waving their scarves above their heads on Top of the Pops, unless they matched their Gucci shirts and shoes or were part of a carefully constructed sponsorship deal. The musical plod and the cockney 'barraboy' vocals make you realise how far things have moved on since the heyday of this kind of Anthem, which wouldn't be out of place in a football remake of Oliver!

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

Super England: Super England

Super England was released on 5th June on Gold Mansion Records.

Musical Style: Hybrid Pop. Chant / Lyrical Rap, with Drum machine and Bugle.

Over the Moon: There’s no doubt that the guys behind Super England are passionate about England. Who they are remains a bit of a mystery but their enthusiastic belief in England is oozing out of this song. Their insane eccentricity and self-belief says something very, very true about the nature of English (as opposed to British) patriotism. Without the Scots to berate them, the Irish to beat them at horseracing, and the Welsh to take the piss, like English men the length and breadth of England, "Super England" have assumed a confidence out of all proportion to their actual talent and chances of success. They score points for sheer bravado, if nothing else.

Sick As A Parrot: Super England claim that if you give this song a few listens you’ll love it - but that hasn’t happened yet. The chant is as plodding and repetitive as the drum machine, and the frequent bugle blasts quickly become irritating to the point of shouting "Please! No! Or I'll take it away!"

Terrace Appeal: 3/10

Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Jurgen Klinsmann: ToneDef Allstars

Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Jurgen Klinsmann: ToneDef Allstars

Available now on ToneDef records or to download online, 10p from every sale is donated to the Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research UK.

Musical Style: It’s the Dad's Army theme tune again mostly unchanged except for a little rapping and re-worked lyrics.

Over The Moon: Here’s another World Cup song clash. Both the ToneDef Allstars and The Svenga Boys (reviewed previously) have recognised that there’s plenty of comic potential in adapting the Dad's Army theme for this World Cup. The Svenga Boys had to hastily rework their own version to avoid copyright infringement. The ToneDef Allstars, however, appear to have all their papers in order, undoubtedly helped by the fact that the song has was chosen by Sun readers to become the paper’s official England Anthem and it features a media-friendly assemblage of bona fide English icons: England World Cup legends Sir Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters, as well as Bill Pertwee from the original series and Big Frank Bruno - just for the hell of it.

The song, produced by nightclub promoter Ben Gray and his friend Al Siesta, is well written and entertaining, with the clever jokes and lyrics raising a few titters; "didn’t you know Guv, it’s Wayne’s World Cup". A good, familiar sing-a-long song sung by a well-loved group of stars, raising money for an excellent charity which is very close to many an England fan’s heart.

Sick As A Parrot: Sir Geoff, Martin, Bill & Frank are definitely "Allstars", and, from the sound of the vocals, definitely tone deaf. It's obvious charms fade rapidly on the vocalists' utterly unmusical tunelessness from which all the hype cannot rescue the song. Success guaranteed, but this largely due to the warm place the original Bud Flanagan theme occupies in the nation's heart. Will be remembered with a grimace.

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

We Are England: Ricky

We Are England is released on 12th June on Beatcrazy. All profits go to the NSPCC.

Musical Style: Indie ballad

Over The Moon: No, it’s not Frank Butcher’s Mensaphobic offspring, Ricky are four bright young things from Portsmouth who have been making well received indie music since 2001 and, as their self-funded debut album demonstrates, they certainly don’t do things by halves. We Are England is a good solid song and this too was a real labour of love for these lads since it involved them touring round England for 9 months recording the chants of around sixty thousand kids for the backing track.

Sick As A Parrot: A perfect England football anthem is upbeat and optimistic, catchy as a cold in an old folk’s home and above all the sort of thing that you can sing your lungs out, letting your team know you’re there with them for every touch of the ball.. but We Are England is far too downbeat, sounding more like the band want to take the England team out for a romantic dinner rather then set the terraces alight.

Terrace Appeal: 6/10

Route 66: Sidney Hawker & the Hurricanes

Available online.

Musical Style: 60s-style Rock / Pop.

Over The Moon: This is a real little gem of a song that takes its inspiration musically and lyrically from England's magnificent (and soon to be repeated) victory of '66. An endangered species, this song appears to be only available in the deep dark depths of myspace and therefore most likely doomed to be an also-ran. The true identity of Sidney Hawker and the Hurricanes remains something of a mystery, but if their raucous Small Faces-lite England Anthem Route 66 is anything to go by then we can probably believe the lyrics "We are England, we are number one, We all love it, we're just havin fun." And it really is a lot of fun.

Sick As A Parrot: It's not technically that brilliant in a practically-falling-apart-at-the-seams kind of way.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10

We Are The Champions (Ding a Dang Dong): Crazy Frog

Released on Gusto Records on 5th June.

Musical Style: Queen's anthemic classic is given a typical Crazy Frog Euro House overhaul.

Over The Moon: The Crazy Frog might be an inexplicable phenomenon to many, but there are obviously people who still love it, hence it's continued success. So if you're one of those people, and you're also a big England fan then you might well be happy enough with this release to download it as your latest ringtone. Although the song is a re-working of the classic Queen hit, with the Crazy Frog sound it doesn't lend itself to a football anthem in the traditional sing-a-long sense, but nonetheless this one might prove popular, particularly with kids or idiots.

Sick As A Parrot: Yet another awful release from the VERY annoying thing that should just be put out to grass rather than put on the pitch. It really doesn't matter what song the people behind Crazy Frog release and for what occasion - you already know what it sounds like without ever needing to hear it, and you know that you will hear it regardless of whether you want to or not. Then there's the fact that the Crazy Frog "himself" supposedly records his music in Germany, leaving the nagging feeling that this is either "payback" time for all the German jibes or, more likely, that the release has more to do with a corporate World domination campaign than England's World Cup campaign. If you hear this ringing on somebody's mobile phone, the kind, compassionate, sane thing to do would be fling it into the nearest pond.

Terrace Appeal: 2/10

We’re England (Tom Hark): TalkSPORT Allstars

Released on Monday 5th June on BMG.

Musical Style: Ska. Reworking of the Piranhas’ classic Tom Hark.

Over The Moon: As England Anthems go this one is already has a winning formula. Firstly, it’s a reworking of the Piranhas’ classic 80s hit, which, you may remember, was an irrepressibly upbeat song adapted from an old Ska tune originally recorded in 1953 by the curiously named Elias And His Zig Zag Jive Flutes. Secondly, the tune already has history as a terrace chant, having been adopted and adapted by fans from numerous clubs since forever. Thirdly, the TalkSPORT presenters have already appeared on one of the biggest selling England songs of all time; 4-4-2’s Come on England which entered the charts at No. 2 in 2004. We’re England features the dulcet tones of a host of TalkSPORT luminaries such as Rodney Marsh, Micky Quinn and James Whale, and the re-worked lyrics are as good, if not better, then the original ones.

Sick As A Parrot: The calibre of the vocalists - James Whale does his best not to completely massacre this ace tune... but he's James Whale, so he is at a disadvantage to begin with. Clever this - perhaps just a tad too clever...

Terrace Appeal: 8/10

The Highest High: Adam Bostock

The Highest High is available to buy from www.matchboxrecordings.co.uk

Musical Style: Indie / Britpop style guitar anthem with nice Hammond organ.

Over The Moon: The Highest High, as its name suggests, is lyrically an exceptionally optimistic England Anthem, which has been described as "bouncy, sing-a-long and melodic" and "compared to Robbie Williams singing a Lightening Seeds song backed by The Doors". Out of those comparisons only the Lightning Seeds likeness really rings trues; nonetheless it’s certainly a likeable track that manages to get under your skin. The song was written by musician and producer David Oliver although he graciously sidesteps the title credits in favour of singer Adam Bostock from Bristol Indie rockers Saturdays and Sundays.

Sick As A Parrot: The music and the vocal delivery don’t quite live up to the optimistic lift of the lyrics.

Terrace Appeal: 7/10